Grace Upon Grace

That's what I am teaching on this week. Are you freaking kidding me? When the devotional asked me what I thought one of my rights were, a simple answer was my right to be mad. Not a good answer, Jenn Marie. I also wrote down, my right to my own timing. Again, not a good answer. My right to be mad. My right to justice. My right to my freedom. My right to my own self control. My right to be mad. My right to not be questioned. My right to be successful. My right to be heard. My right to have a fairy tale wedding. My right to travel. My right to be financially sound. My right... mine, mine, mine. My little crosses. I decided about 28 days ago that I was no longer going to be stubborn and terrified of my calling and actually do what I knew I was supposed to do. I have fought this for over a year and finally, I let the reigns go on a certain area. My Life. I started a women's Bible study and I was freaking terrified to do it. I was even more stubborn than I was terri

“Come out of hiding, you're safe here with me. There's no need to cover what I already see. Throw off your fear and come running to me.” Why is this so hard? We tried so hard to pretend that we are okay when we are the furthest thing from it. Tonight my best friend got married and yet while I am so excited and happy for her, I have sat here in my bed and cried for the last hour. And this might be too honest and too vulnerable, but it is the God's honest truth. In which, if we are being honest, the only real reason this is being written is due to the amount of self evalution that I have had in the past two hours. I heard this song not even 48 hours in which it says, “come out of hiding, you're safe here with me.” How long have we longed for this? How long have I longed for this? Every day I crave this. I need this. Every single day I pretend to cover up things that I don't have the courage to say or confront and deal with and yet someone who I didn

“ Even when things don't work out, they do. Because in the end, experience is what you get when you didn't exactly get what you wanted. And experience is often times the most valuable thing that you can possess.” - Unknown This past 4 th of July weekend, I made sure to keep myself from being busy. I left the house maybe 2-3 times in a matter of 4 days and I found myself being absolutely lazy as possible. I say all this to say that sometimes, even when you don't have the over the top weekend at the lake, with hundreds of pictures of friends and family, sometimes it is completely okay to spend those hours on the couch just taking in as much of life as possible. I have a tendency to say “yes” rather than say “no” more than times than not. And I have realized recently how saying “No” is more important than saying “yes.” There is a difference between being a servant and having a servant's heart. However, in today's society and even in today's church, s

"If you knew what getting what you wanted would do to you, would you still want it?"  I hear these words and they echo throughout my life. I think back on the decisions that I have made and so many times, I am so thankful that God didn't answer the prayers I really wanted him to answer at the time. That might not make sense right now, but think of the times when you have no patience and your heart is anxious. You want it right then and there with no thought of the gravity that it could possibly ring back on your life. We want what we want and that's just the bottom line.  We are human. We are selfish. We are vain. And wether you choose to admit those three things or not, it doesn't matter because it is true for the simple fact that you have a flesh. The best part about this, is that those three sentences do not define who are you. They don't dictate yourself worth. You do. The attitude and words you choose to believe over your life, do. So when you are feeling

As I look back on 27, I am reminded that the items that I can tangibly touch are not significant into comparison to the memories that I have made amongst friends and family in the the last 365 days. I am reminded that no matter how much I desire to save, save, save for whatever the future holds, it doesn't define me. And it doesn't really matter how many new dresses I buy to take on trips across the globe, that is all stuff that can be taken in a matter seconds and quickly eliminated from my life. But what can't be taken from me, is the learning and the value that I place on those memories. In the beginning of April, myself along with my roommates and a few friends from work, we began a 30 day detox. I felt as though anything that tasted good, I was not allowed to have and it quickly infuriated me. I began to become obsessed with calorie count and the number on the scale and how quick I would get skinny. I realized on about day 13 that this was much harder than I had

I pray that I never take for granted the moments and days that I am able to see this beautiful country of ours. Every time I adventure into a new state, I feel as though it is a whole new world to me. I especially felt this way the past three days.  I believe all too often we settle with everything that we are used to. Whether it be routine, work, school, or just regular 'ol life in general, we just repeat the process until it is something new. Usually I don't start traveling until late in the year but this year, we mixed it up- talk about routine.  I can honestly say that experiencing spring in 2014 was unlike experiencing it before. I walked uneven sidewalk streets this evening, and as the sun was setting and I began to see the sky break through the cracks in the leaves and they fell to the ground, I knew that I had it made.  My life isn't glamorous. I'm not rich and I'm not famous. To me my life is simple and for the first time in a long time, I'm okay with t

Tonight I sat in a living room with roughly 15 amazing people and to me, it was such a sweet experience. I say this because nights like tonight are needed so often and yet they don't occur enough. I remember about three weeks ago I was at my breaking point. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, I was just so ready to give up and throw in the towel and just take a humongous step back.  I sat on my porch with one of my roommates and as we looked out to see the city lights mixed with the starry sky, I remember her saying "When you want to give up- just remember that He brought you here for a purpose. If you haven't fulfilled that purpose then it isn't over yet." The words came in one ear and went out the other and what I thought was just a moment, for days after that night, those words just echoed in my ears.  I finally got to a point where I just couldn't pretend that I was okay. I know I wear my emotions on my sleeve but when people who don't even know me,not

“ In the quiet, in the stillness I know that you are God. In the chaos, in the confusion- I know you're  sovereign still. In the moment of my weaknesses, you give me grace to do your will.” When I remember the moment that I knew with every fiber in my being that Jesus was real, He wasn’t just a man on a piece of paper that I heard stories about, but He was a man that walked in grace and loved unconditionally with no expectation in return. He feared nothing and He pursued me with all relentless acts of unselfishness, yet I was so selfish and not interested in pursuing him, I found that my life had changed. When I knew that he was not passive; He was confrontational and aggressive yet compassionate and willing to do anything for those that He loved, I found that I wanted to be like him. I wanted to become him. With every ounce of my life, I wanted to “ooze Jesus.” I grasped the understanding of “walking the talk” and understanding what the wandering and wilderness was all

Funny, brutally honest conversations always seem to come about late at night or when you really have no clue how to handle them. They call it like it is and make you vulnerable and uncomfortable at times, but these conversations need to happen.  I find it rather humorous when two people who haven't spoken to each other in sometime, wonder why the conversation stopped in the first place. Especially when it is apparent that it was mutual.  Friendships and relationships, to me should be one in the same on many levels. In my opinion if they are real and genuine, they don't take effort. They simply happen. They are real. You talk because you connect with that person. You laugh because you enjoy each other. If they're not around, you miss them. You check-in because you simply care. And you cry because you hate to see them experience things that you have no control over. You're protective because they're important to you.  So many times we attempt to justify reasons for pe

I think so often, especially us ladies or really just those stepping out into their careers, that we get so caught up in having to look the part or be the part, that we forget the actual part we are supposed to play out in life... OURSELVES!   I know for me that if I walk out of the house without lipgloss, earrings, my emerald ring,  and a watch on my wrist, something feels missing. I am fully capable of doing my job and the tasks at hand a 100% with or without the lip gloss, but I just don't feel like ME. There have been literal moments when I knew one of my roommates would be driving past my work later in the day and I would consider texting them to bring me an "accessory" because I just felt naked without it. Regardless of the curls, cute sweaters, red lips, and makeup- I just didn't feel "put together." Whatever happened to just being you? Don't get me wrong, I love getting dolled up and wearing the red lips and the heels for 5 minutes because that i

Every year, I promise myself that this upcoming year will be better than the last year. And then at the end of the year, I do my re-evaluation. A week ago, I found myself journaling that this year, 2014, I wanted to be content with where God currently had me in my life and not try to figure it all out. That did not mean complacent but to truly be at peace with where I am in life and to just enjoy the journey. January 9, 2013 I wrote in my journal, “much stress comes from you trying to make things happen before their time. So let go of what you cannot control and accept what you cannot change.”  So that’s great in all, but as I began studying and journaling even more, I began flipping through old journals and reading old blogs and I came to a realization that, this was something I have wanted for the past 2 years.  2012, 2013 and now 2014.   I just want to be at peace with where I am and have faith in my future.  The past 3 weeks, my pa stor has preached on the “Open  Door.”  Revelation