Grace Upon Grace

It was snowing when I landed and it is now snowing as we get ready to leave this small little town of Tecumseh. It's quiet here. It's peaceful and it is simple.   I remember when I used to come home or visit other places, it was no big deal when I would head out. I wouldn't cry. I wouldn't get upset. I wouldn't freak out. But now I am a complete opposite. I bawl like a baby and I get scared when someone says, "When will I see you again?" Well, that happened about 5 times this morning and it's a good thing I I didn't pack my makeup in my suitcase. Talk about water works. Because honestly, who knows when you will see them. It's so easy to get so caught up just living day to day.  While getting ready this morning, John Mayer's "Who Says" came on Pandora and I began to just smile as I sat there. If you know the song, don't worry I'm not condoning getting high but I am condoning "who says you can't do what you want to

It's three am and I am still wide awake and still feeling like a kid on Christmas morning with joy and excitement. I am in my parents' new home and I just love it so much. I thought it might be weird not going back to the home I remember for the past 27 years, but this new home already has so much warmth and love within it. It is eager to make memories and share joy and laughs and kisses and hugs.   As I look back on 2013 with just under 6 days to go in the year, I am truly in awe by everything I experienced and took part in. I knew 2013 would be different and in most realities, I am a very optimistic person, but this year superseded every hope and dream I could have imagined.  I remember on New Year's Day I wrote out my goals, my desires, my expectations, and I even nonchalantly wrote down a few cities I wanted to visit on my so called "Bucket List." I said I wanted to lose weight and get healthier, I wanted to visit Chicago, get my passport and leave the country

The past few weeks I just haven't felt myself. I don't know if it is that I am beginning to miss home because of the holiday season or because my parent's left a few weeks ago after visiting or if I'm just really beginning to allow things to surface in my life and truly deal with them. Myself and a few of my girlfriends started a small Bible study on Monday evenings about 3 weeks ago and the study is on the heart of David. I never really realized how bad this kid had it at first, long before he was crowned king. Long before he committed adultery, committed murder, made an ass out of himself, was a ruler of nations. Long before his life, set in to motion the prophecies of Christ. I mean just over 3 weeks of studying and you see that he was the last one to be picked, the last one one who thought even he could be anointed as the king, the guy he served envied him and tried to have him killed. I mean if my boss had me be her right hand and then tried to kill me, I

I tell myself that by writing this, it should make me feel better. It should make me clear my head and cause me to get things out in the open. So we shall see if that actually works. I've kept my mouth shut for 21 days. I've maintained my composer and I've kept a good attitude. I had decided that the best thing for me to do was to keep my lips sealed, hold the anger within, and not say how I feel and not vent. But, I couldn't do that forever. Eventually you will break if you hold it all inside. I look at pictures, I hear conversations, I read text messages, I see posts, and it makes me cringe on the inside. And in all honesty, I was tired of my friends asking me what was wrong, as I said nothing and then smiled after they said that they didn't believe me. Cringe : (verb) to draw back as with fear or pain. To shatter and recoil. I'm not an angry person. I don't live in guilt. But I do question myself, often. I question decisions

Every year, myself and my two Ohio Bff's that are moving to Dallas next month, do a girl's trip. We've done Nashville, LA/Santa Monica, Vegas, they've come to OKC a few times, and now Chicago. I stood on the 103 rd floor of the Willis Tower Monday afternoon and just thought to myself, man Jenn Marie, you got it made. I may not be where I wanted to be in life or where I thought I would be at the age of 27, but I know I am where I am supposed to be. I know things might not have turned out as planned or expected, but that is the beauty of life. Not many people can say that about their life. Lately, one thing that I have prayed for and truly sought after, is to find true contentment in life. True contentment in friendships. True contentment in my walk with Christ. True contentment in my church and in my job. True contentment in the relationships that I am cultivating. Contentment is described as “happiness with ones' situation in life. To be satisfied.”

For the first time in about 6 months, I am finally beginning to feel free. Free from the past, free from hinderances, free from insecurities, free from mistakes, free from apprehension, free from questions, free from the future or the questions of the future. Just real true, freedom. I remember reading the Matthew 11:28-30 and I would hear people preach it and speak it over their lives and I would think to myself, what does that mean? My yoke is easy? I can give you rest? Our souls can find rest? Learn from me- how can I learn from you? How is yoke easy? How can burdens find rest? “ Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” So many times I would read this and it just never made sense to me despite the fact that it “sounded good.” We say things to feel better for the

What you expect to happen, normally never happens. The truth comes out when you least expect it and unfortunately, that is when you need it the most. Your biggest fear is what keeps you from moving on. You cannot control tomorrow as much as you cannot control five minutes from now, so let it go. There is more freedom in music than there is silence. But sometimes you need silence more than you need the music. What drives us is what defines us. Your friends are the ones who stay when you don't want them to. They are the ones that tell you like it is even when you don't want to hear it. They become family and become part of you. And when they hurt you, it is simply to remind you that we all have flaws. We are human. I will make mistakes. So will you, so don't place people on pedestals. It's okay to step back and realize you are being completely ridiculous. There is happiness in cookie dough ice cream. Or just cookie dough for that

Repercussion: noun. A remote or indirect consequence of some action. Consequence: noun. A phenomenon that follows and is caused by a previous action. Having influence or important effects. Two words that have rung so heavily in my ears over the past two days. Repercussion and consequence. Many times we hear those words and we instantaneously think it means something bad. But not always. Not every decision is bad, not every conversation is gut wrenching, and not every action is horrible. Sometimes they are good. Sometimes they are amazing. Sometimes they bring light forth that you never saw coming. Whatever way you look at it, every action has a repercussion to it. A consequence. An outcome. Growing up, and I believe I have wrote on this before, but I remember always saying I wanted to do things my way; different. I wanted to be the one to not make the same mistake as my parents did. I wanted to be the one who set things apart to prove it could be done differently. That w

I've met some pretty amazing people along my journey here in Oklahoma but in the past 7 months, I can honestly say that I have never had a better set of friends come together than I do right now. I know I'm an emotional person but I was recently brought to tears from a close friend of mine's blog regarding our circle... We are a family, we are a community, we come to the table on good days and bad days, we'll protect each other and fight for one another, it's just who we are. But seriously... I look back at 3 years ago and I cannot even fathom how it is already 2013. How it is already August. How my church is about to celebrate our 3 year anniversary in 5 months. How I moved to Ohio SEVEN years ago and the people I am doing life with today, I cannot even understand how they were placed in my path. I'm going to get sappy on this one but I can't help it. I appreciate these moments where I am genuinely in awe of those in my life. I think

Why are some things just so hard to let go of? Is it the fear of not experiencing what you felt before, again? The emotions? The moments that took place? The memories made? The friendship that was made, that was then broken? Why does it feel like a punch in the gut and why does the mention of a specific name or event, change your demeanor? Are we afraid that we'll just be alone? That we're not good enough? That we won't get the job or degree? We won't have the family or the dream home? That something about us isn't right and that we might be off balance on some things? Are we afraid of the resentment and the fact that what took place might not ever occur again? What is it that holds us to the past? When I first decided to write this blog, I promised myself that no matter the cost, I would be transparent and I would be real. Nothing irks me more than a two faced, hypocritical person. I'm the furthest thing from perfect and yet every day

I can't believe that it is already July 10 th . I feel like yesterday it was my birthday and Memorial Weekend was 4 weeks away and now 4 th of July has come and gone. I appreciate the beginning of each month because it is a new start, a new chapter, a new page to adventure on to. But I also like to reflect on the previous months and just recall the “fun-exciting-overwhelming-freak out-crazy” moments. The first 6 months of the year were amazing but if we are being honest, it was also very trying. I began to experience feelings that I hadn't felt in quite a long time and it was overwhelming. How I wanted events to play out, didn't happen. And at the end of the day and even end of several weeks, I was just disappointed and felt like my heart was let down. I remember honestly not thinking how I was going to make it through May and June. Disclaimer... do not ever plan TWO vacations, a week a part in which you move in between that week off. You'll go crazy. Well at l