Somewhere over the rainbow is simply just somewhere over the rainbow...

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“Come out of hiding, you're safe here with me. There's no need to cover what I already see. Throw off your fear and come running to me.”

Why is this so hard? We tried so hard to pretend that we are okay when we are the furthest thing from it. Tonight my best friend got married and yet while I am so excited and happy for her, I have sat here in my bed and cried for the last hour. And this might be too honest and too vulnerable, but it is the God's honest truth. In which, if we are being honest, the only real reason this is being written is due to the amount of self evalution that I have had in the past two hours.

I heard this song not even 48 hours in which it says, “come out of hiding, you're safe here with me.” How long have we longed for this? How long have I longed for this? Every day I crave this. I need this. Every single day I pretend to cover up things that I don't have the courage to say or confront and deal with and yet someone who I didn't even know, died for me. He craves my attention. He craves my passion. He craves my intimacy. He craves my conversation. And yet every day, I push him away. Why? Because I am terrified.

I literally, I cannot stop crying and yet while I should be in the one happiest moods of my life, there is apart of my heart that is completely shattered and broken. A part of me that is completely jaded and cynical that just wants to be proven to that something else exists. Apart of me that really just wants to believe there is something more but unfortunately it is just all a fairy tale story to me.

I try to pretend so desperately that something else exists outside of what I imagine but yet, for some reason, what I imagine just seems to be too good to be true. My hopes only lead to my disappointments and yet, what I strive for in life only shatters and falls to the ground.

“What hindered loved is what only becomes only part of the story?” – everything hinders love that I think of. Everything hinder relationships. Everything hinders friendships. Everything hinders everything in my mind because unfortunately, nothing to me seems a 100%. and that might be being too honest, but at least it is telling the truth.


Every person longs for the one friend, companion, spouse, common denominator to make the difference- the very one to flip their reality and make them believe once and for all, everything that they have dreamt of. Yet, to me, this dream is only shattered.  

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