You Need Only Be Still.

A lot of times I pull my Macbook close and I have this yearning to type out the words in my head, but my fingers don't move. I can't get them to produce the thoughts bouncing off the walls in my head and then sometimes, a lot of times, it feels like I am going to burst if I don't say or write what it is happening. This usually happens a lot of the time. However, in the longest time, it hasn't happened. I looked at my blog and I realized that I had written anything in almost 6 months. Eek. Where does time go? It was just November and I was just starting Lovely and Christmas was right around the corner.

A lot has happened in those 6 months. Let's sum it up and please, do not expect me to sugar coat it:

2014 was Hell. Horrific and strengthening on so many levels on my life. If we are being very honest, every level of my life.

Faith Church is growing by leaps and bounds and every week I meet new amazing, incredible people. There are not enough adjectives to describe what is happening at Faith Church and even in my loneliness, where I am  sometimes confused of why I am here, I am so grateful that God has placed me to be there. That is what I know cannot be shaken- the reality of knowing that God has me here.

Friendships and relationships always have a funny way of opening your eyes to either everything that you have sealed off or everything that you have ever wanted. Mine was the opposite. Every emotion and conviction that I prayed I would never feel again, I once again felt. I went through a time in my life where anger, bitterness, confusion, and hurt ran ramped in my life. This was 2008-2012. I thought I sealed all of that in 2012, but as December came around, I realized how quickly it could come back in. I realized in those 4 months that I had the power and the choice to allow those four little passions take root in my life and establish their home. I chose not to allow this. And little did I know that these would be 4 really hard things to deal with.

I don't pretend to be perfect. I don't pretend to have it all together and regardless of those who believe I really do, I really don't. A lot of the time it seems like everything is wrong and falling apart, BUT, I have decided to let go of what I cannot control before it eventually controls and consumes every aspect of my life.

Lovely as taught me a lot about being vulnerable. I was terrified to do Lovely and to start Lovely and sometimes, a lot of the times, I get really discouraged because I feel like Lovely isn't doing what I think it should be. BUT, then I am reminded that it doesn't have anything to do with what I am doing, humanly, but with everything that He is doing. Everything that He is doing that I am unable to do other than to show up and to host and to teach and to pour out my insecurities and my vulnerability and be audacious and authentic until I have nothing else to show because that's what these girls need. That's what Faith Church needs. That's what Oklahoma City needs. That's what Jennifer Marie Castle needs.

At the beginning of 2015, I read a scripture and it kind of just stood out to me and struck the deepest part of my soul. Exodus 14:14- You need only be still, the Lord will fight for you. Since I read those words, everything that I cannot control or even those things that I am able to control, I realized that it is all so much bigger and better than me. All I can do is to be still and allow the Lord to work in my life. To fight on my behalf. To vindicate me with whom hurt me. To protect me when I begin to allow the walls in my life to be laid brick by brick once again. It is He, who loves me when I feel unlovable and when I begin to feel bitterness creeping back into my life, I will thank Him every single day for waking me up and placing breath within my lungs. When work is the hardest that it has ever been, I will praise and thank Him because I could have nothing. I deserve nothing but He has given me everything. When nothing makes sense, I will remind myself that HE will part the seas on my behalf the winds and waves know Him by not only His touch, but by His Voice.

So whatever ___________ looks like to you, it's okay. Even if it is not okay. It has to be okay. It will be okay. Because whatever is happening tomorrow and whatever that is happening out of your control, is so much more than what is happening before you and what is happening within your control.

In the business world, today is the last day of the 1^st quarter in 2015. I don't know what January, February, and March looked like to you, but just remember that there are 9 more months in 2015 and this could be the beginning of the rest of your life to allow God himself, to show up and do whatever He wants within your life. So regardless if it has been amazing or horrific, be still and trust Him. Trust in His promises of: For such a time as this- you have been placed here, For before you were born- you were created and He knew you, and you need only be still- He will fight for you. As many times as it takes to resonate within the walls of your soul, let it. Be still and wait for Him. Wait for His promises. Because they will not return void. Let His perfect peace and joy wrap their arms of grace and stillness embody all that you are. Let us not be so stubborn, hurt, jaded, bruised, and bitter that we don't feel His arms of grace reaching for us, chasing us.

I promise that a lot can happen in a very short period of time, and that's okay. It has to be okay.

Just remind yourself, that when it gets the hardest of times, a lot of the time, you need only be still.