Tattoos / Consequences / Repercussions

Repercussion: noun. A remote or indirect consequence of some action.

Consequence: noun. A phenomenon that follows and is caused by a previous action. Having influence or important effects.

Two words that have rung so heavily in my ears over the past two days. Repercussion and consequence. Many times we hear those words and we instantaneously think it means something bad. But not always. Not every decision is bad, not every conversation is gut wrenching, and not every action is horrible. Sometimes they are good. Sometimes they are amazing. Sometimes they bring light forth that you never saw coming. Whatever way you look at it, every action has a repercussion to it. A consequence. An outcome.

Growing up, and I believe I have wrote on this before, but I remember always saying I wanted to do things my way; different. I wanted to be the one to not make the same mistake as my parents did. I wanted to be the one who set things apart to prove it could be done differently. That was my mantra. Funny how I did things exactly as they were predicted on the grand scale of things. I drank, I drank a lot, therefore I made bad decisions. I stole, therefore I wound up in the back seat of a cop car. (Story for another day, but yes it happened.) I allowed people to walk all over me, therefore I was manipulated and backstabbed. I lied to my parents, therefore they grounded me. I sped, therefore I paid Washtenaw County hundreds of dollars. The state of Ohio and Missouri too. I had sex, therefore I then freaked out when the time of the month didn't come right on time. I maxed out my credit card (s), therefore I lost my savings account and blew my credit score. These are what you might refer to as bad consequences.

I remember thinking that I would be the exception. However, to be the exception you actually have to do things differently. A very old quote, which may be cliché, but it is oh so true, has always hit in the nail on the head, “Stupidity is doing the same thing again and again, expecting different results.” Words could not be more perfect. So why do we continue to do the same thing again and again, yet complain about how it really is?

In Bible College it seemed liked the theme was “Ring by Spring,” and if we are being honest, for the most part it was true. Unfortunately, not everyone goes to Bible College for the right reasons. If you meet your spouse there, then that is great. But let's not just go looking, saying it's all for Jesus when you can't get your heathen tail out of the club on a Friday night. Just being honest. That could preach but we'll save that for another day.

But I remember being there and I met some really nice guys, I even dated a couple of them. One was a complete douche bag. The other one, great guy, just not the guy for me. After Bible College though, I began to date someone who I never would have saw coming in a million years. Heck, we had been friends over 3 years. It came right out of left field and completely took me back. At the time I was actually talking, hooking-up, whatever you want to call it with some other jerk and he (the nice guy) said something to me, that to this day, I will never forget. I can recall the exact moment when I read the text message. He said to me, “The day you stop allowing guys to treat you like they have been, you will realize your worth. And when you realize that worth, you will never be the same again nor will you allow anyone to treat you like they have.” I sat stunned in my chair as I read and re-read that message again and again. I tried to be mad at him because he really didn't know me but apparently he knew me better than I knew myself at the time and we weren't even together then.

What he didn't know then, that he still might not know today, is that in that moment I vowed to never give myself away again. Whether it be friends, relationships, family, jobs, whatever it might have been, you weren't just going to get whatever you wanted from Jenn Marie. I vowed that even though I was no longer an actual “virgin,” I would never have sex again until I was married. I would never date out of convenience. I would never wander, just to fulfill a desire. I would never just be someone's friend because I wanted to fit in. I would never do what someone else wanted me to do, just because they wanted me to do it. This change didn't happen over night, it took years, and it is still taking time to sink into my head. I'm easily the person to say, “I'll go the extra mile and get it done.” Not because I know I am good at what I do, but because I enjoy helping others. But unfortunately, there are those people who see people like me and leach off of them because they know we're great at what we do and we don't finish until it is done. And of course, we do it the right the way first time. ;) Seriously though.

I look back on that conversation and I look at who I am today and I am thankful for it. You can tell from my previous blogs that I am single, so obviously he and I are not together. But when I look at everything that happened full circle, he opened my eyes to something that I never saw coming. You expect your girlfriends- your BFF's- your besties- to tell you stuff like that but they don't always do it. And for whatever reason, him saying it to me stuck out. Maybe it is because at the time I was completely oblivious that he cared for me as more than a friend but it wasn't his intention to get me to notice him. It was his intention to make sure that I was taken care of and not being taken advantage of.

Before I moved to Ohio for Bible college, we built a new auditorium at my church and before they laid the carpet, we (entire congregation) wrote on the cement. Many people wrote names of those who were not saved, many wrote prayers, many wrote thanks, it was just a mix of everything. But one person in particular, who holds a very dear place in my heart, wrote my name on the ground. When she called me over to show it to me, I was like why is my name on the ground? She wrote “Jennifer Marie Castle, Ezekiel 22:30” and told me that for my life, this would be my scripture. This would be my reason for living.

For those of who you who see me on a regular basis, this is tattooed on my left forearm. I didn't get it because of that moment back in April of 2003, but I did get it because little did I know that Ezekiel 22:30 would be my reason for living. It's a conversation starter, it grabs your attention, you cannot miss it, and you cannot cover it up without bringing more attention to it.

“I searched for a man among the generations who would stand in the gap so I would not have to destroy it but I found none.”

It took me a few years to understand what the verse meant and even if you take it out of the Bible and look at it without a spiritual viewpoint, it can still shake nations. “I searched for a man,” one person. One girl. One boy. One teenager. One father. One daughter. One spouse. One mother. One politician. One officer. One nurse. One Nanny. One pastor. One Sunday-School teacher. Just One- SOMEONE- who would be the difference. Who would do things differently. Who would go against the norm. One who would rise up and say, “when you realize your worth- you'll never allow them to do what they did to you again.” Now, it is my job to look at the young girls and women who have been placed in my path, that are experiencing what I went through and say to them with grace and love, “when you realize your worth, you will never allow them to do what they did to you, again.” Because that is the big picture. That is standing in the gap. That is going against the repercussions of past decisions and living with life-changing, life-altering freedom . These are what you might call good consequences.

What do you need to stand in the gap for?