Grace Upon Grace

Why are some things just so hard to let go of? Is it the fear of not experiencing what you felt before, again? The emotions? The moments that took place? The memories made? The friendship that was made, that was then broken? Why does it feel like a punch in the gut and why does the mention of a specific name or event, change your demeanor? Are we afraid that we'll just be alone? That we're not good enough? That we won't get the job or degree? We won't have the family or the dream home? That something about us isn't right and that we might be off balance on some things? Are we afraid of the resentment and the fact that what took place might not ever occur again? What is it that holds us to the past? When I first decided to write this blog, I promised myself that no matter the cost, I would be transparent and I would be real. Nothing irks me more than a two faced, hypocritical person. I'm the furthest thing from perfect and yet every day...

I can't believe that it is already July 10 th . I feel like yesterday it was my birthday and Memorial Weekend was 4 weeks away and now 4 th of July has come and gone. I appreciate the beginning of each month because it is a new start, a new chapter, a new page to adventure on to. But I also like to reflect on the previous months and just recall the “fun-exciting-overwhelming-freak out-crazy” moments. The first 6 months of the year were amazing but if we are being honest, it was also very trying. I began to experience feelings that I hadn't felt in quite a long time and it was overwhelming. How I wanted events to play out, didn't happen. And at the end of the day and even end of several weeks, I was just disappointed and felt like my heart was let down. I remember honestly not thinking how I was going to make it through May and June. Disclaimer... do not ever plan TWO vacations, a week a part in which you move in between that week off. You'll go crazy. Well at l...

The title of this blog shouldn't come as a shock. I remember checking the weather before I left for Paradise aka HAWAIIIII and calling my friend there, saying “does it really rain everyday?” Her response was yes. Ay yi yi. So to my surprise, it did rain every day. But it wasn't the Oklahoma rain that I have grown accustom to over the years. It was a peaceful, calming rain shower that lasted about 45 seconds and then the sun would come out. Heck, half of the time, the sun was shining as it was raining. This was the first of many beautiful things I saw while on my visit to Hawaii. My friend's family lives on the Marine Base right near Kailua and every morning we would leave base and drive into the mountains. A rainy fog would sit over top of what they came to name the “Moses Mountain.” This was number 2 of beauties. It would appear as though it was about to storm like crazy but nope, just drops of peace. I remember thinking, this is such a true example of our liv...

I  remember like yesterday the day I moved to Oklahoma. I remember the fear, the anxiety, the heart racing, but what I remember the most is the overwhelming peace that surpassed every emotion that was surfacing. I was told I was crazy by many people and let's be honest, I probably was and still am today. But I am so glad that I didn't listen to the voices who said I was crazy. I'm even grateful that I didn't turn around as soon as I got on highway 70 in Columbus while I was on the phone freaking out. Yet, for some reason, I just kept driving west until I came to Oklahoma City. I recall the months and even the year leading up to the move. I knew that I was supposed to move, I knew it was supposed to happen and I knew it was right around the corner but bigger than that, I knew that I had to be patient for it to happen at the right time. Before 2010, I tried to move two other times. Ask my roommate, she didn't believe when I said I was actually moving f...

Numb (noun): to be asleep, not showing human feeling or emotion. So frightened as to be unable to move. Stunned or paralyzed with terror. Devastate (verb): to cause extensive destruction or ruin utterly. To overwhelm. The state of being destroyed. Excessive damage. Wreaking or capable of complete destruction. These two words are the only two words that I can use to describe how I have felt over the past 24 hours. Yesterday was a normal Monday, or so it seemed. I woke up, I got my Starbucks, I made it to work 10 minutes early, clocked in, and began my routine. I knew it would be an interesting afternoon weather wise but I didn't think it would be a gut wrenching, horrific day. Around 230pm my phone began to buzz with alerts of tornadoes and that the city that I live in and have now called home for two years was under a “Tornado Emergency.” I only knew of a Tornado watch or warning but now an “emergency?” Emails began to pour in from HR saying if you were i...

For the past 27 years, the only thing that I have known is Christianity. I kid around when I say I feel as though I was born at the alter, but the truth be told, I sometimes that feel that way. Aside from school and sports practices, if the church doors were open, my family and I were there. The older I became, the more I pushed myself away from church. Not because I didn't want it or because it was fed to me but I simply didn't understand half of it. When I first attended Bible college in 2006, I could have gave a rat's tail about being there. I went because I was fortunate to have been blessed with a scholarship and every door that I had open in Michigan at the time was beginning to close, so I knew I was supposed to go Ohio and attend Bible College. I took every class that you could imagine relating to eschatology, the life of Christ, the book of Revelation, a study of the Psalms, in depth discussions of Old and New Testament but if you ask me now what I...

I always start off by saying “I am going to write so many times this year and make sure that at least it is once a month” but it amazes me how quickly I get caught up in the busyness that I just overlook the things I consider important to me. But then that being said in itself makes me question how important that item really was in the first place, ya know? I look back to how my life has changed over the past 3 years and especially since I started writing in this blog. Three years ago I was living in Canal Winchester, Ohio. I had already applied for the company that I worked for today and I am pretty sure I already had my first interview. I had a place to live lined up, I was crazy to think that I would sell everything that I couldn’t fit into my car to move a thousand miles west away from everything that I knew and everything that I had ever experienced. Crazy? Yep. I would describe myself as crazy and radical and full of faith but most definitely crazy. If you would have aske...