Buddy the Elf // Faith // Hobby Lobby

I can't believe that it is already July 10^th. I feel like yesterday it was my birthday and Memorial Weekend was 4 weeks away and now 4^th of July has come and gone. I appreciate the beginning of each month because it is a new start, a new chapter, a new page to adventure on to. But I also like to reflect on the previous months and just recall the “fun-exciting-overwhelming-freak out-crazy” moments. The first 6 months of the year were amazing but if we are being honest, it was also very trying. I began to experience feelings that I hadn't felt in quite a long time and it was overwhelming. How I wanted events to play out, didn't happen. And at the end of the day and even end of several weeks, I was just disappointed and felt like my heart was let down.

I remember honestly not thinking how I was going to make it through May and June. Disclaimer... do not ever plan TWO vacations, a week a part in which you move in between that week off. You'll go crazy. Well at least feel like you are. My manager and I would joke about counting down until I was on the plane to Hawaii. She would say, “My only goal is to just get you on the plane there. Not the one to San Fran but the plane from San Fran to Honolulu.” Well I survived. PTL.

Even though I did take time off from the office before the big trip, my mind was constantly running and wouldn't shut off. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't think right. I was simply overwhelmed. Relationships had let me down. The guy I thought I was going to date, well obviously I am single, so we see how that turned out. But the friendships that were soaring, began to coast and eventually really slow down and it was just discouraging. Then the tornado happened and then school was happening.. Church was going faster than ever. Family medical issues were taking place. There were matters of the heart. Friends moving away. Best friends possibly moving closer. Too many worlds were beginning to collide and I simply had to just shut myself away and realize I was in over my head. I needed a moment of center. I needed to see what mattered and put things into perspective. The areas that I- myself could manage and take care of, I tackled those. The ones I couldn't, I prayed and had to let go of them. I still have to remind myself to let go of some things, even old things. “Let go of what you cannot control before it ends up controlling you.”

A good friend once told me, “No expectations, no disappointments.” That was mind blowing to me. I agree with it about 97% because the reality is that you have to have some expectations. Expectations = faith. Faith = patience + trying + tears + frustration + perseverance + wisdom. That is all faith. I think what my friend was implying was not to have expectations on one another because we are human and we will let each other down. It is in our nature, it happens. We shouldn't place people on pedestals because they will mess up and make mistakes.

So I guess really what I should say is that my only expectation is to have faith and faith alone. I'm sure some people get annoyed with me when I say “By faith this and by faith that.” But everything that I say and do and live and breathe is built solely upon faith. For 27 years I have known nothing but faith. When I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, when I didn't have the strength to jump out of the boat, when I didn't know which job to take, when I didn't know when I should move- I just knew I was supposed to move, when I didn't know whether or not to date or not date someone, when I didn't know whether or not I should go back to school, where I should or shouldn't invest my money, or if I should buy a house or continue renting; those decisions were all made by faith. Did I get some of the decisions wrong? Yep. Did my faith get tested? Yep. Did I get discouraged? Yep. Did I stop trusting God? No. Did I stop believing? No. Did I say, “next time, I'm going to seek wisdom and maybe ask someone who knows more about this than I do?” Yep. It is apart of growing up and trusting in God and understanding what FAITH really is.

Faith is not the “quick- name it-claim it-grab it”. It is listening when you can't hear a word for days, sometimes weeks or months. It is being patient when what you really want is standing in front of you but it is not ready for you or you are not ready for it. Faith is passing up the dream house because that house is not your dream house. Faith is listening to your parents when they say, “He is a snake and only wants one thing. Wait for the right guy- he does exist.” Faith is being 27 and having the strongest desire to get married but not settling for convenience or just the “nice Christian guy.” Faith is believing that the job you have been offered, even if it doesn't make sense and you don't get the numbers that you want or expect, that it is still the job to take.

Moments come and go so quick today. I mean it is freaking July 10^th people. Christmas is 125 days. Do you realize that it is only 5 months and 15 days away? Santa is coming. Buddy the Elf will be all over the TV in 4 months beginning in November. Yesterday was Easter. Time waits for no one, so why should you wait for it?

If you know me, you know I'm honest and I don't cookie cut the truth. Now that being said, I might be a little timid at first and hate confrontation, but if you ask me something, I won't hide you from the pain or joy that comes along with some of the consequences that I have lived through. Growing up my dad would always tell me not to do stuff not because he didn't want me to do them but because he wanted to protect me from the consequences. I remember saying, “I won't make your mistakes and I'll do it differently.” Well, I am 27 now and hindsight is 20/20 and the pain still sucks and sometimes the consequences are hard to bare. So now, I am my dad wanting to protect those who I love and care about.

This blog might mean nothing to you and who knows, it might only get read by my mother and my friends and if that's all, then that is okay. But I feel like there is purpose in everything that I do. I believe there is purpose in all that I do. Recently, I have had to remind myself on a regular basis that every decision I make, every thought I think, every smile I smile, every encounter that I have with another human being, every bank account I open, every glass of tea I prepare, or pot of coffee I make, there is a purpose behind it. There is a reason for everything. When we begin living without purpose, we are living without faith.

On a side note, I wonder if Hobby Lobby has their Christmas goodies on sale yet. :)