Grace Upon Grace

Words. Sometimes they flow like rivers that cannot be stopped and then sometimes, they barely come like rain the driest of deserts. I have felt like the desert lately.  So much on my heart and so much on my mind, but unable to genuinely express them. Ever been there? I feel like I have lived there for the past few months, so much that I don't even know how long. There was a moment when I felt so overwhelmed that I would cry and weep just because it was releasing  something . I don't know what that  something  was, I just knew that it was a release.  I pulled up my blog this morning and it's been close to 8 months since I have written; that seems crazy to me. Life happens. I don't want to use that excuse, but life happens. So for the sake of  life , let's recap shall we? Started building a house. Got offered my dream position. God said NO, not right now. Sigh. Went through a week of mourning and crying, got a puppy. Visited a house that was for sal...

I love life. Like genuinely love life. I love the beauty of it and I love the humor of it. I love how one minute, life can be going well with no hiccups along the way and then all of a sudden, life can simply change. Everything can change. Without a moment's notice or sometimes, with a moment's notice; it all changes. With no explanation other than it is life and it has every right to do so because it owes you nothing. Except, what if it does? What if life owes you everything because you are simply living it? I feel like over the past 29 years, I have learned a lot. I've given a lot. I've provided a lot. I've been jaded and I have been hurt. I have been happy and I have even fallen in love. I have chased dreams and I have been chased, only to walk away because I was too scared. I have cruised along the path and I have even ran into the unknown. I did it 5 years ago. I ran as far as I could go. I ran until I saw the lights of a city in the middle of the cou...

Dear Charlie, It's 10:06pm and Cinco De Mayo, 2015 is almost over and you're almost here in the world with us. I can't believe this day is finally here. I mean I can, because I have watched your mom be pregnant for the past nine months, but wow- it is actually happening. Not to mention, it's almost to midnight and if you continue to take your slow, sweet, precious time, you'll be a Seis de Mayo baby! I am sitting outside of the door to your room and of course, I am already crying my eyes out. You'll come to learn that about me- I cry over everything. I think it is just what naturally makes me who I am. I have never been one to hide any type of emotion. I pray that if there is one thing I can help instill in you as you grow, it is always to show a smile no matter how you are feeling and to always embrace every emotion you experience a 100%. I met your mom about 9 years ago when I was her youth leader in Ohio. I met your dad at the church w...

April 30 th . Another year has come and gone and I feel like it was just yesterday when I wrote my “yearly birthday blog” or whatever you want to label it as.  But, wow, here we are !  I began things at the age of 28 that I simply could not believe I w as having the courage to do.  I stood up and defended myself in ways that I have not before, and I can’ t tell you how much freedom and liberation I  experienced over those time s.  There were days when life was really hard. There were nights, plenty of them when I would cry myself to sleep because I felt alone and scared and unsure. There were days when I  was  in the mindset of believing that my time in Oklahoma was drawing to a near end, but then ,  there  were  better nights and  better  days.  Days of clarity and  confirmation .   Nights of sweet sleep and rest or even nights of no sleep, full of joy and laughter.  Those are the nights and days in which o...

A lot of times I pull my Macbook close and I have this yearning to type out the words in my head, but my fingers don't move. I can't get them to produce the thoughts bouncing off the walls in my head and then sometimes, a lot of times, it feels like I am going to burst if I don't say or write what it is happening. This usually happens a lot of the time. However, in the longest time, it hasn't happened. I looked at my blog and I realized that I had written anything in almost 6 months. Eek. Where does time go? It was just November and I was just starting Lovely and Christmas was right around the corner. A lot has happened in those 6 months. Let's sum it up and please, do not expect me to sugar coat it: 2014 was Hell. Horrific and strengthening on so many levels on my life. If we are being very honest, every level of my life. Faith Church is growing by leaps and bounds and every week I meet new amazing, incredible people. There are not enough adjectives ...

That's what I am teaching on this week. Are you freaking kidding me? When the devotional asked me what I thought one of my rights were, a simple answer was my right to be mad. Not a good answer, Jenn Marie. I also wrote down, my right to my own timing. Again, not a good answer. My right to be mad. My right to justice. My right to my freedom. My right to my own self control. My right to be mad. My right to not be questioned. My right to be successful. My right to be heard. My right to have a fairy tale wedding. My right to travel. My right to be financially sound. My right... mine, mine, mine. My little crosses. I decided about 28 days ago that I was no longer going to be stubborn and terrified of my calling and actually do what I knew I was supposed to do. I have fought this for over a year and finally, I let the reigns go on a certain area. My Life. I started a women's Bible study and I was freaking terrified to do it. I was even more stubborn than I was terri...

“Come out of hiding, you're safe here with me. There's no need to cover what I already see. Throw off your fear and come running to me.” Why is this so hard? We tried so hard to pretend that we are okay when we are the furthest thing from it. Tonight my best friend got married and yet while I am so excited and happy for her, I have sat here in my bed and cried for the last hour. And this might be too honest and too vulnerable, but it is the God's honest truth. In which, if we are being honest, the only real reason this is being written is due to the amount of self evalution that I have had in the past two hours. I heard this song not even 48 hours in which it says, “come out of hiding, you're safe here with me.” How long have we longed for this? How long have I longed for this? Every day I crave this. I need this. Every single day I pretend to cover up things that I don't have the courage to say or confront and deal with and yet someone who I didn...