This Is Where It Begins

I love life. Like genuinely love life. I love the beauty of it and I love the humor of it. I love how one minute, life can be going well with no hiccups along the way and then all of a sudden, life can simply change. Everything can change. Without a moment's notice or sometimes, with a moment's notice; it all changes. With no explanation other than it is life and it has every right to do so because it owes you nothing. Except, what if it does? What if life owes you everything because you are simply living it?

I feel like over the past 29 years, I have learned a lot. I've given a lot. I've provided a lot. I've been jaded and I have been hurt. I have been happy and I have even fallen in love. I have chased dreams and I have been chased, only to walk away because I was too scared. I have cruised along the path and I have even ran into the unknown. I did it 5 years ago. I ran as far as I could go. I ran until I saw the lights of a city in the middle of the country. I ran because it was what I knew. I was wanting whatever was next in this so called life that I was living.

I ran a year later to a new position. I needed something different. I needed to become someone different, so I made a minor change in my career. I started over when I ran away that hot day in May. I said, enough is enough and now it is time to run. “Just make it to the lights of the city.” Those were the words that kept me going for 15 hours. Those were the words that I clung to. And even, 5 years later, those are the words I continue to cling to today.

I run to the lights. I run until the last person is served. I run until the last one is embraced. I run until the last tear has fallen and I run until the last breath in my body is to the sound of a happy, exhausted, spent life. That is what I want to run to. I want to run to what spends me. What ruins me day after day and what breaks my pride down. What breaks down my walls and what pushes me to force the words out of my head and literally say them out loud until I realize that I can in fact run this race. I can do this.

There is a new song out by Hunter Hayes and Lady Antebellum, two of my favorite country artists and it is called “Where it all begins.” I think many of us, including myself, we think life begins when we turn 18 or when we graduate from college, or when you get married or buy your first house. But what if it doesn't begin there? What if it begins when you are jaded and hurt and you are scared to let the right people in, so you push them away and pull the wrong ones close? What if life begins when you are falling apart because that is really when you are finding yourself. When the broken pieces are being mended is I believe when it all begins. What if it begins when you realize what you have always wanted is in front of you and you are hearing the words “not right now.” How do you handle that? How do you live with that? How do you begin from that reality?

I am in this phase right now. I am in the “in between” of every area. It's true; when it rains, it pours. All at once. I used to sing, well still sing, “Oceans” by Hillsong, quite often. “Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk up on the water, wherever you call me.” But, what if you don't walk up on the water? What if you begin to sink? Friend, I am here to tell you, this is where it begins. It begins with you realizing, that my dear, lovely, Jenn Marie, you'll never walk alone because you will never have to. You'll never be out on the water alone in the middle of nowhere not sure what decision to make. What door to close. Who to say “yes” to, because it begins when you find yourself... in CHRIST.

So I want you to know. And I want me to know, that life- the beauty, the innocence, the hurt, the confusion, the ups and downs, the valleys and the mountains, this is life and in every one of those moments, that is where you find yourself and in those moments it is where it all begins.

Sometimes you won't know what to say and that's okay. Remember, sometimes you need only to be still- the Lord will fight on your behalf. Or simply, “Being still and knowing He is truly God” is simply ENOUGH. He is enough. In Him, we are all enough and He will provide all of the ENOUGH. And HE will direct your footsteps and He will open and shut doors that no man can open and close. And He will go before you and make crooked places straight. What may seem like the right time, very well could be the wrong time. And what could be the very wrong time for everything to fall apart, could be the very thing to to bring it all together. It could be the very thing where everything begins.

Don't be scared to chase the dreams. Don't be scared to fall and get back up. Don't be scared to mess up and make wrong decisions. Don't be scared to trust the unknown and do not be scared to allow the bricks to be removed all at once with a sledge hammer. Because that is where it all begins.

“This is where you fall. This is where you get up. This is where it hurts. This is where you learn that it truly all begins. Imagine all the dreams you were too scared to choice. These are the moments where you find what you have been livin for. This is where it all begins.”