Grace Upon Grace

April 30 th . Another year has come and gone and I feel like it was just yesterday when I wrote my “yearly birthday blog” or whatever you want to label it as.  But, wow, here we are !  I began things at the age of 28 that I simply could not believe I w as having the courage to do.  I stood up and defended myself in ways that I have not before, and I can’ t tell you how much freedom and liberation I  experienced over those time s.  There were days when life was really hard. There were nights, plenty of them when I would cry myself to sleep because I felt alone and scared and unsure. There were days when I  was  in the mindset of believing that my time in Oklahoma was drawing to a near end, but then ,  there  were  better nights and  better  days.  Days of clarity and  confirmation .   Nights of sweet sleep and rest or even nights of no sleep, full of joy and laughter.  Those are the nights and days in which o...

A lot of times I pull my Macbook close and I have this yearning to type out the words in my head, but my fingers don't move. I can't get them to produce the thoughts bouncing off the walls in my head and then sometimes, a lot of times, it feels like I am going to burst if I don't say or write what it is happening. This usually happens a lot of the time. However, in the longest time, it hasn't happened. I looked at my blog and I realized that I had written anything in almost 6 months. Eek. Where does time go? It was just November and I was just starting Lovely and Christmas was right around the corner. A lot has happened in those 6 months. Let's sum it up and please, do not expect me to sugar coat it: 2014 was Hell. Horrific and strengthening on so many levels on my life. If we are being very honest, every level of my life. Faith Church is growing by leaps and bounds and every week I meet new amazing, incredible people. There are not enough adjectives ...

That's what I am teaching on this week. Are you freaking kidding me? When the devotional asked me what I thought one of my rights were, a simple answer was my right to be mad. Not a good answer, Jenn Marie. I also wrote down, my right to my own timing. Again, not a good answer. My right to be mad. My right to justice. My right to my freedom. My right to my own self control. My right to be mad. My right to not be questioned. My right to be successful. My right to be heard. My right to have a fairy tale wedding. My right to travel. My right to be financially sound. My right... mine, mine, mine. My little crosses. I decided about 28 days ago that I was no longer going to be stubborn and terrified of my calling and actually do what I knew I was supposed to do. I have fought this for over a year and finally, I let the reigns go on a certain area. My Life. I started a women's Bible study and I was freaking terrified to do it. I was even more stubborn than I was terri...

“Come out of hiding, you're safe here with me. There's no need to cover what I already see. Throw off your fear and come running to me.” Why is this so hard? We tried so hard to pretend that we are okay when we are the furthest thing from it. Tonight my best friend got married and yet while I am so excited and happy for her, I have sat here in my bed and cried for the last hour. And this might be too honest and too vulnerable, but it is the God's honest truth. In which, if we are being honest, the only real reason this is being written is due to the amount of self evalution that I have had in the past two hours. I heard this song not even 48 hours in which it says, “come out of hiding, you're safe here with me.” How long have we longed for this? How long have I longed for this? Every day I crave this. I need this. Every single day I pretend to cover up things that I don't have the courage to say or confront and deal with and yet someone who I didn...

“ Even when things don't work out, they do. Because in the end, experience is what you get when you didn't exactly get what you wanted. And experience is often times the most valuable thing that you can possess.” - Unknown This past 4 th of July weekend, I made sure to keep myself from being busy. I left the house maybe 2-3 times in a matter of 4 days and I found myself being absolutely lazy as possible. I say all this to say that sometimes, even when you don't have the over the top weekend at the lake, with hundreds of pictures of friends and family, sometimes it is completely okay to spend those hours on the couch just taking in as much of life as possible. I have a tendency to say “yes” rather than say “no” more than times than not. And I have realized recently how saying “No” is more important than saying “yes.” There is a difference between being a servant and having a servant's heart. However, in today's society and even in today's church, s...

"If you knew what getting what you wanted would do to you, would you still want it?"  I hear these words and they echo throughout my life. I think back on the decisions that I have made and so many times, I am so thankful that God didn't answer the prayers I really wanted him to answer at the time. That might not make sense right now, but think of the times when you have no patience and your heart is anxious. You want it right then and there with no thought of the gravity that it could possibly ring back on your life. We want what we want and that's just the bottom line.  We are human. We are selfish. We are vain. And wether you choose to admit those three things or not, it doesn't matter because it is true for the simple fact that you have a flesh. The best part about this, is that those three sentences do not define who are you. They don't dictate yourself worth. You do. The attitude and words you choose to believe over your life, do. So when you are feeling...

As I look back on 27, I am reminded that the items that I can tangibly touch are not significant into comparison to the memories that I have made amongst friends and family in the the last 365 days. I am reminded that no matter how much I desire to save, save, save for whatever the future holds, it doesn't define me. And it doesn't really matter how many new dresses I buy to take on trips across the globe, that is all stuff that can be taken in a matter seconds and quickly eliminated from my life. But what can't be taken from me, is the learning and the value that I place on those memories. In the beginning of April, myself along with my roommates and a few friends from work, we began a 30 day detox. I felt as though anything that tasted good, I was not allowed to have and it quickly infuriated me. I began to become obsessed with calorie count and the number on the scale and how quick I would get skinny. I realized on about day 13 that this was much harder than I had...