Door Knobs / Contentment / Oceans

Every year, myself and my two Ohio Bff's that are moving to Dallas next month, do a girl's trip. We've done Nashville, LA/Santa Monica, Vegas, they've come to OKC a few times, and now Chicago. I stood on the 103^rd floor of the Willis Tower Monday afternoon and just thought to myself, man Jenn Marie, you got it made. I may not be where I wanted to be in life or where I thought I would be at the age of 27, but I know I am where I am supposed to be. I know things might not have turned out as planned or expected, but that is the beauty of life. Not many people can say that about their life.

Lately, one thing that I have prayed for and truly sought after, is to find true contentment in life. True contentment in friendships. True contentment in my walk with Christ. True contentment in my church and in my job. True contentment in the relationships that I am cultivating. Contentment is described as “happiness with ones' situation in life. To be satisfied.” Being content does not mean that you are lazy and you want to stay where you are, but it means that you are okay with the position that God currently has you in. Obviously, I want my friendships and relationships to grow deeper and become stronger, but if I am always pressing for more and more right then and there, then it is not that beneficial nor healthy. When I say content, I mean that whatever is happening in my life, that is out of my control or even within my control for that matter- I am open to God's plans, not my plans. I seek to find the true joy and meaning in all areas. That means finding contentment in situations that I cannot understand and that I truly cannot comprehend.

If you would have asked me to write this on Sunday, the story would be completely different. In fact, I almost did write this out but I didn't have my MAC with me in Chicago and no wifi, so in hindsight, it was a good thing.

I was angry. I was hurt. I was mad and I was disappointed. I still am if we are being honest, but I'm not going to let it affect how I feel and the joy that I have. I look back at events that have happened in the past 3 months or even the past month and just sit in awe. A good awe, a curious awe. I went to visit a friend in which I haven't seen in years. Things happened, words were said, words that should have been said-were not said, but at the end of the day- the day will go on and life stops for no one. I can't help what was done but I can help what happens from here on out. I've learned that people change for the better. People change for the worse, I can't do anything about it. People will come in to your life and people will walk out of your life and in all reality, you can't do a dang thing about it. I know I'm not perfect but if we are being honest, sometimes it is just heart breaking and disappointing and I have learned over the past several days, it's okay to grieve about it and be upset.

With every disappointment, there is reassurance that things can change. People can change. Events can change. Life can change. I can't control the weather, I can't control it when my friends hurt me, intentionally or unintentionally, hell I can't even control what happens in an hour, so I am learning to let go of what I cannot control.

I just watched a video created by Ryan Leak and his wife, Amanda Leak in which he proposed and married her in the same day, not to mention, told her that he loved her for the very first time that same day. They were together for over 5 years and he waited until that day to say those three magic words. The story is beautiful and amazing and so encouraging. I know as someone who is 27, in the middle of her career, finishing school, loving church like crazy, and enjoying every second of life- that the alone time where there is no boyfriend and no spouse can be irritating, discouraging, and lonely. As soon as I finished watching the video, I immediately text it to a few of my best friends who are single just to encourage them also. There is beauty in waiting. There is beauty in contentment. There is beauty and justification in all things that we go through and experience, despite us needing to know why something does or doesn't happen. It shocked me when Ryan said that he never said those three little words to her. I mean, I tell everyone that I love them. It's who I am. I am a loving person. But he said one thing that just grabbed my attention: “I didn't want to say those words unless I knew with every fiber inside of me could back them up.” It is moments like these, stories like these, that God gently whispers in my ear, there is a reason for the position that I have you in. < - - - This is where I am learning to be content and trust. It's amazing, I really don't feel like I know that much about relationships, but I sure do give a lot of advice regarding them but maybe that's what I am supposed to do.

I can't explain to you why what happened to me last week, happened. I can tell you that it hurt like hell and I have never felt more disappointed than I did Sunday, September 15^th at 8:45pm while I sat with 4 of my favorite people at RPM in Chicago. But it did, it sucked. But I know that at the end of the day, the end of the year, the end of whatever this season is- there is a reason. It is there to teach me something. To show me something. I might not know what that meaning is 5 months or even 5 years down the road, and I am learning to be okay with it. Of course it isn't easy. Of course I have questions that I know will never be answered. Of course I wanted to say a million things, but it's out of my control.

Every Thursday, we have our young adults circle. We reflect on what our Pastor taught the previous Sunday and this past week was “Punch your average faith in the face.” We watched a video of this guy who wrote a poem that was about 4 minutes long and just freaking incredible. He said three things that got me fired up: “Shake the dust off”, “Do not settle for just letting the waves settle”, and lastly, “When the world knocks on your door, clutch the knob tightly and swing wide open the door.”

You know me and you can tell from my other posts that I am huge faith person. I believe in faith. I believe in Jesus. I believe that your words- your thoughts- your attitude controls your destiny. You increase or decrease your faith. You alone. You are able to speak forth things into existence. That is FAITH- what you believe that you cannot yet see.

– When the world knocks on your door, clutch the knob tightly and swing wide open the door.

I love this. I love this. I love this. What stops us from clutching the knob and just having faith to just let what happens, happen?? Good or bad. Smile or tears. Joy or sorrow. Laughter or pain.

We settle. We become complacent. We become jaded and cynical because things didn't happen how they- we thought they would go. We get let down and hurt, so we stop trying and feel defeated. When the ocean's waves crash against the shore, they are not always quiet but then on other days they are not always roaring. The waves will always rise. The moon will pull the tide and the waves will crash and settle on the shores. But don't just settle for settling. I challenge you- if you are single, pray for your future spouse. If you are in a relationship, pray that he/she is truly the right one. If they are not- LET THEM GO. When a door shuts, let the door stay shut! If you hate your job, pray for the job you are currently in and start praying for where you want to be. If you are married, talk with your spouse- sort things out- laugh- do the fun married stuff. If you don't understand what's going on life- seek for wisdom, direction, and peace from God. If you are living life wonderfully, thank God for all that you have been blessed with; you will need it when you go through the valley again. If life just absolutely sucks, be thankful for your seasons and know that God opens doors after he shuts other doors. Whatever, wherever... I challenge you- seek the beauty in life. Seek to have contentment in Christ that He may grow you and stretch you and bless you.

Don't be afraid to clutch the knob tightly and swing the door of your faith wide open.